Mental Health Matters
Todd Weatherly, Therapeutic Consultant and mental health professional hosts #MentalHealthMatters. Interviewing doctors and therapists, treatment professionals, organizational leaders, and other members of the mental health community about the importance of mental health awareness, treatment and the future of addressing mental health in the US. Discussing how to support mental health in our communities from hospitals to the dinner table and what to do when crisis arises.
Mental Health Matters
Hope and Healing with Elizabeth Fikes
Ever wondered how you can turn an unexpected family crisis into a beacon of hope for others? Elizabeth Fikes joins us on Mental Health Matters to share her transformative journey from an international branding manager to Co-Founder and Director of Outreach at Stonewater Adolescent Recovery. Inspired by her brother Brian's battle and triumph over substance use disorder, Elizabeth offers an intimate look into their family's ordeal, the obstacles they faced, and their unwavering commitment to working with families in need. Her candid storytelling underscores the urgent need for specialized care for young people grappling with substance use and co-occurring mental health issues.
Getting adolescents into treatment when they’re resistant is no straightforward task, and we dive deep into this challenge with Elizabeth's expert insights. She shares practical intervention strategies, emphasizing the importance of trust and the shift towards therapeutic approaches. Real-life anecdotes highlight the urgency and complexity of the process, particularly how adolescent development and peer influence can complicate interventions. Elizabeth stresses the importance of compassionate, professional help, illustrating how Stonewater's unique approach tackles these issues head-on, ensuring the safety and well-being of adolescents.
Creating a supportive treatment environment is more than just a mission statement at Stonewater; it’s a lived reality. Elizabeth walks us through the culture of care that permeates their program, from communal activities to direct care staff training. We also unpack the growing parental concerns over adolescent marijuana usage, especially in the context of legalization, and the critical role of family programming in supporting children post-treatment. Wrapping up, we explore the broader landscape of navigating family treatment resources, shedding light on the continued need for supportive systems and ongoing communication to aid families through their mental health journeys. Tune in for a heartfelt conversation that combines personal experience with professional wisdom, offering valuable takeaways for anyone touched by adolescent substance use and mental health issues.
Hello everyone and welcome back to Mental Health Matters. On WPBM 1037, the Voice of Asheville, I'm Todd Weatherly, your host mental health professional therapeutic consultant. I have with me today A friend of mine, one of my favorite people, program founder and recovery advocate, elizabeth Fikes. Elizabeth is founder and director of outreach for Stonewater Adolescent Recovery, a residential treatment program providing mental health and substance use treatment for adolescents and their families. Elizabeth and the Fikes family founded Stonewater after she spent nearly 10 years as an international branding manager for one of the largest housewares companies in the US. In addition to her role as outreach and admissions for Stonewater, she's a whiz at making insurance companies cooperate with paying for treatment, which is why I like her and she plays an active role in the Stonewater family and alumni programs to ensure meaningful, sustained engagement.
Speaker 1:Elizabeth knows firsthand what it's like to see a sibling change in the throes of substance use and face the necessity of long-term treatment which so many families are saddled with these days, unfortunately, more and more. Her brother and co-founding partner, brian, is candid about his own personal journey in recovery, having been a teen needing treatment in his early years. Understanding that these behaviors affect not only the adolescent but the entire family, they absolutely do Elizabeth became passionate about sharing her family's experience with others at the crossroads of seeking treatment for their child. Elizabeth, my dear friend, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here.
Speaker 1:Well, we're glad to have you. You and I have known each other. How long have we known each other now?
Speaker 2:you, um, I you know, I, you and I've known each other. How long we know each other now, oh goodness.
Speaker 1:First question and it's already a tough one, see tough, I know that's me the hard-hitting tough question guy um.
Speaker 2:I think we let's see I don't know, maybe seven years, it's seven years yeah, it's probably six or seven.
Speaker 1:I mean, it was pre-pandemic, for sure, right. And then so we, we, I'd say, we got five plus years on, us do you say yeah, I think I mean, I don't know about me. I think I have aged a little.
Speaker 2:You haven't aged today is there a video on this?
Speaker 1:that's right, keep up what you're doing. I think it's because of the crossfit, you know I I tried to hang with the crossfit when I came to see you but um the biggest trooper.
Speaker 2:I tell lots of people that story. You are still the lone guest who has agreed to come to a CrossFit class with our team.
Speaker 1:I know. Well, you know I enjoyed the heck out of it, so it was a lot of fun, crossfit being something not only you do, but you know you get those boys out there when they're in treatment too, so they remain active. I think my, you know, I've been out to campus. It's just this, you know. Beautiful setting in a wooded area, against the, against the river. The house is magnificent and everything else, but there's a lot of real cool stuff that's going on in that house. What is it that made you and your family? You know there are lots of families with personal journeys and recovery and lots of families that have dealt with, you know, their adolescent or young adult dealing with addictions and going through treatment and everything else. Not everybody turns around and starts a program. That's a special kind of deal. What brought you to that conclusion? You and your family, of course.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely the entire family. You know, I think we were so blindsided by going through this experience. We were that family that never thought it would happen to us and when we were in really oblivion for a long time, when we did find out about it with my brother who was 16, out it with my brother who was 16, it was his substance use was really progressed and it became a. You know, it was a life-threatening position that we were in at the time that we found out and so had to make a decision really quickly, had to commit to a long-term treatment journey for him right out of the gate. All those things were really tough and, like I said, just not an experience that we expected to be in and I think most families feel that way and it's really isolating.
Speaker 2:And because my brother, he did a 90-day program followed by a year-long step-down program for him that was therapeutic boarding school, and in May of this year just a few months ago we celebrated 20 years in recovery for him and when we experienced what life after treatment and in recovery was like for him and for our family, it was even more beautiful than life before. That, you know, or I'm a better person from having gone through this, I think my parents are better parents, we're a better family, we're all better people and it was the motivation to try and give that same testimony, that same story, to other families, because there is a lot of treatment out there, but I would say there's not as much really good, really trustworthy adolescent treatment. And that's where our heart is, that's where our passion is, is adolescents specifically, and when you start trying to find really trustworthy adolescent treatment, it's harder. There really isn't as much.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think that you're. You know we're looking at a world where adolescent treatment is under pretty high scrutiny right now. Wilderness treatment, sure, so it's kind of on the front end, but I think that we've seen some reticence from families about putting their children in treatment across the board, not just regardless of the kind you know.
Speaker 1:And then you know this is a part that's challenging for families is the. It's not just that you know they've got to accept that maybe they've got a child who's struggling with addictions and probably struggling with co-occurring mental health issues as well. Not, probably most likely, they really walk hand in hand. But in addition to that, I don't think people really understand how long the journey can be, just just kind of being engaged in treatment, absolutely Start to finish. And a lot of times I'm talking to people about their recovery journey. But you've got this unique perspective where you're, you were the family, a family member, it was your brother and you were, you were kind of witness to it, not that you weren't involved, but you weren't the one receiving care.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like start to finish. How was, how long was his journey? Like when he from the moment he went into treatment to the moment he graduated from from therapeutic boarding school?
Speaker 2:how long was that? It was a year and a half.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:All at once.
Speaker 2:You know we had people like you, us, who served in that role with our family, who guided the decision-making and really helped our family understand that it was going to be a long-term process from the beginning.
Speaker 2:So you know, we see certainly lots of families who would like to commit to a shorter stay and hope that 30, 60, 90 days might be all that they need. And even sometimes the challenge that we experience with families is that their son does so well in our program they cultivated in the beginning to commit to it long term, but then their son does so well in our program that they feel like I've got my son back. Our family is, it's recognizable, it's what it used to be, and they're so eager to believe that maybe that next step isn't necessary and they can sort of create meaningful structure and accountability and scaffolding in their own home. And that's rarely enough when you're stepping down from a program like ours and so certainly we are are passionate about that model of coming to a program like stone water, that's, a 90-day program, a really high level of care, and then also lining up a transitional program after Stonewater, which the length of time for that can vary, but to really support and protect the progress that they've made while they're with us.
Speaker 1:Right, right, well, and you know it's funny to me how families kind of get caught up in the oh can we please not have it be X amount of time. And I'm sure you probably run into families who are having trouble with, you know, having their, their adolescent not ready to have them leave the home for any significant period of time, kind of face that, oh, they're not in the home, you know they're not and maybe they're going to go. They're going to go, they're going to engage in this process and the best thing they can do is go through a therapeutic boarding school or a longer term, um step down kind of option. That's might be three to six months or a year. Uh, and they, that's kind of a hard thing to face for families. I've noticed, um, that is, that's like this is, um, you don't like this is, you don't want to, you don't want to cut corners.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:When you're dealing with something like this.
Speaker 2:And we're in Mississippi.
Speaker 2:What's that A lot of families have not. You know, mississippi is is not close to a lot of families that come to Stonewater, and so families also struggle with that, you know, should we choose a program that's closer to home? Does that allow us to be more engaged? Or maybe does that communicate that, communicate love, that we're keeping him close or her close? But what we see too is that there's value in getting further from the home.
Speaker 2:When, when an adolescent, when a teenager, is closer to home, I think it's really hard for them to disconnect from that idea of what are my friends doing, what am I missing out on, what's my family doing? And then they can very easily get into a mindset of just ticking off the days until they finish and not really disengaging from that and being present where they are and getting the most out of the treatment program. So, while the distance can be a harder decision for families, ultimately what we see is it helps the, the teenager, be less tethered to to what's going on at home and and just really be engaged in what we're doing on campus and and at our program yeah, well, and you know, location is, location is um.
Speaker 1:Families are like well, you know, I'm like, well, this location's not forever. First of all, um, and we got it. There are going to be steps after this, and part of that's figuring out what those are going to be. But the other piece is is that your location is? It's well hemmed in by a natural setting. Let's say it is Beautiful hedges and water and hills. You can hit a drive and you might not reach the end of the driveway. All I'm saying is somebody's not going to make it.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of therapeutic value to that long driveway.
Speaker 1:That's right. Somebody's not going to really make a run for it and get very far, not that that is probably much of a problem, but you know it's. It's good to look off in the distance and have nothing but green to look at and and it's not only is it beautiful but it's also like okay, I'm here, let's do here. I think there's this mental shift that both families and you know, the adolescent will make. Family goes away. They look back, it's like here's this, here's the setting. And I also, you know we see a lot of families that will engage in some intensive home services and things like that. Man, home service is hard doing stuff, doing stuff not only in your home or where you live, like in the vicinity. It's really difficult because you always come home to the issues that are there, the influences that are there and all that kind of stuff. And, um, even if you're kind of on the fence, I think it's really better for a person to go away and get that almost retreat like experience, right.
Speaker 2:So lots of parents they ask what if my son doesn't want to go to treatment? And you know the answer is no, he doesn't. Adolescent boys, adolescent girls they don't typically sign themselves up for this, they don't think that they need a residential program. Residential program this is really an area where parents have to step in and be willing to make a really tough decision, despite the fact that their child doesn't necessarily think they need it in that moment, because they are willing to save their child whatever it takes. And you know that's our job then as a treatment program to get their engagement once they arrive on campus, to make sure that we're processing and restoring those family relationships process through the emotion of sending a child to treatment.
Speaker 2:We have a huge focus on our family program because I can tell you, 20 years ago there was no family program really no one ever said to me that this experience as a sister is going to impact you, and you may not feel it today, it might be 10 years down the road, but it has an impact on you and that was the case Family systems.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, family systems.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry family systems.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the family system is so important and a lot of our families leave and say that, even though they felt like they had a great, that they had great family relationships, great relationships with their child before coming to treatment, that they feel like they're better than ever because now they have different tools for communicating, for healthy boundaries how to implement those healthy boundaries? It's tough. Today, parents are, you know, having to navigate a culture of technology and just boundaries that weren't always there. There's no guidebook. Every person has a different perspective, and so just working with the families and helping them feel supported and equipped is as important as the work that we do with the adolescent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now that brings us to something I think is I'd like to have your opinion about, which is getting a kid to treatment. The whole um, let's call it intervention, if you will Um, though I don't like that word um for lots of different reasons, but the adolescent does not want to go they rarely do, even if they acknowledge they've got a problem. Going away for residential treatment is not you know, they're not flags and yelling hooray about it, right.
Speaker 1:So you know the there for for a very long time, especially with wilderness programs. You know somebody shows up at midnight or at six in the morning says, hey, kid, we're going pack your stuff. You know it's not really a choice. We're walking out the door and kind of doing whatever needed to happen after that, and you've got kids that fought people off, kids that ran and kids that did everything else, and there are certainly situations where parents end up having to face that kind of thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's difficult, I'd say that's. I'd say that's. You know, it's really outside the norm. Those are pretty kind of crisis, acute situations that happen there.
Speaker 1:The rest of kids who go to residential treatment are having problems. They may have a mouth on them, they may say things that you know parents don't like to hear, but there's still the availability of having, there's still conversation that's being had, and so the the prevailing trend now, of course, is to is to engage in this process far more therapeutically, far more like let's get this adolescent to start making some good choices. Let's talk about what we think's needed, acknowledging there's a problem. You know, maybe not hurrah about going to to treatment, but but willing to get in the car and go there and check it out and, you know, engage on some level and usually, if you can get that much out of them, they usually start getting things out of treatment and they find a great value and they stay most of the time. What's your experience with this right now? Like what's going on in the world in terms of getting adolescents into your care and navigating that, bridging that gap, if you will, of their willingness?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, it's. It's hard, because I think every parent would love to be able to bring their child to treatment and get them to agree to come and get in the car and go with their family and have that to be a family experience together, even though it would still be challenging, a family experience together, even though it would still be challenging With my family, with my brother. He was not willing. We had a window of willingness with him but we didn't act quickly enough to kind of capture that window and he became then unwilling and so we did have to use someone else to someone else to get my brother to treatment and, although he was angry in that moment, ultimately he's very grateful that that we did that.
Speaker 2:I think what's really important is that you you, if you are in a situation where you know that your child cannot, will not, you cannot get him in the car to go with you to treatment. That exists and I think it's important to realize it for parents, because a lot of parents I've talked to they feel a little bit ashamed, almost. You know I can't do it, I don't think I can get my child to that point and normalizing that. A lot of teenagers don't necessarily get to that point and that you may need to consider having an intervention transporter help you with that process. It's so important to make sure that whoever you're partnering with is really loving, really really cares about adolescents, has experience specifically with adolescents. You know this age group is so different than children, different than young adults, and so you need someone that really has that expertise working with adolescents, who is working to immediately establish relationship and trust with them.
Speaker 2:And there are lots of transportation services out there, but you have to do your due diligence as a parent and make sure that the ones that you're working with are really trustworthy and, at the end of the day, it's it's about mitigating risk, I think, for your child. If you know your child this is what I tell parents you know your child and I can't tell you things about your child. You know you have to consider what the risks are. Are you concerned that if you tell them right now we're about to get in the car and go to treatment, that they're going to run away and disappear and, um, stay with people, and that you know people, that you, you don't have influences in their lives and and you want to have access to them.
Speaker 1:Are they going to put?
Speaker 2:themselves, yeah, put themselves at risk. Are they going to go in a bender? Are they going to use um, use weed, and then get behind the wheel of a car? Are they going to go in a bender? Are they going to use um, use weed, and then get behind the wheel of a car? Are they going to do something that could put their life in danger that you won't be able to control? Well then, I think those are situations where it is prudent to consider um getting some help with that process.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, kids don't often listen to parents at that age, regardless of the situation.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:So you know, if you look at the kind of stages of development, you know, by the time you hit 16, 17 and those kinds of ages, a lot more of what they get from the world, they get from their peers and they get from their parents.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:They've kind of crossed that threshold, they return again, but it doesn't happen until you know late 20s, early 30s, that the parents become more and more important again. Yeah, I think it's hard for parents honestly, you know, in general, to just kind of there's a lot of you know. The thing about adolescent treatment, especially in this, in this arena, to me is that not only are you in the midst of what is ultimately a very difficult time to be with kids, it's you know they're adolescents.
Speaker 1:They're like leave me alone, I want my own space, I only want to hang out with my friends. You know, as a parent you're kind of getting left out now, you know, and you got to face that with some grace. But then this kid's also got like problems and you're going to have to intervene. You have to get in there and make sure that you know they don't bring themselves harm or harm to others. Or, you know, I mean sometimes substance use and this kind of, these kinds of behavioral patterns. They're not just dangerous, they're life-threatening. And so you know a parent has to get in there. And it's like now you're having to navigate, not only that they don't listen to you, but you have to enforce your opinion. Having a professional help you do those things is pretty important. And if they're listening to somebody who's a professional, you know somebody's getting involved and they're talking to that kid, that's a whole fresh source of eyes, whole fresh voice that they've not heard before and tune them out or anything Like.
Speaker 1:They've got an opportunity that a parent just doesn't have, and it's not because they're bad parents, but you know, that's just the way that developmental stage and that age works.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1:And that's a hard thing for parents to accept, you know. It's I mean, it's difficult for all of us. I remember aspects of this happening to me as a dad and it was like, oh, it's heartbreaking, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or yourself. You know my own parents. I look back, but you bring up a great point about the disproportionate weight of peer opinion during this specific neurological phase of development. An adolescent cares more about peer opinion than any other stage of development and so it's important we think at Stonewater to use that, to really leverage that, and we have a whole peer impact program where they really learn to offer accountability, receive accountability and also give accountability to their peers.
Speaker 2:Progress, because these are really important skills to develop during, you know, this time in their lives and things that they'll benefit from knowing the rest of their lives and, you know, we could all benefit from, to be honest, and it's really important because you can hear something differently from a peer, even as adults. I sit in in our family program. We have a virtual support group and sometimes there'll be something that I know I or members of our team have communicated to a family five different ways and they're not really receiving it or responding to it, and then another parent in that group can say the exact same thing and that parent will say, oh, wow, that's a great point. You know, that's a great idea. They heard it differently from a peer and that's even as an adult. That's just how we are wired, and so I think there are positive ways to use that for both adolescents and for the families there are positive ways to use that for both the adolescents and for the families.
Speaker 1:Well, and there's a thing that you know as a consultant. It's like well, what do you look for when you go see a program? And it's like well, I mean, you know there are programs for all kinds of need. There are programs that focus on a specific condition or a specific population or what have you. So how do you kind of, what is the core of what one's looking for when one is trying to evaluate a program and determine whether it's any good or anything else?
Speaker 1:I'm not as a consultant, I'm not a fan of the like putting an adult most people probably don't know this, but if you're a consultant, a lot of times people will put a couple of adolescents up to talk about their treatment experience. Right, I don't like staging people or you know, you know, putting them in a performance kind of role, like not that they're unwilling, but I just it feels false to me. What I do like is something I got to experience when I came to your campus, which was to have a meal with everybody. Everybody has a meal in the same place staff, kids and everybody.
Speaker 1:I'm just a guest having a meal, participating in the meal and if you want to get a good read on what the milieu culture that is, the culture that exists there on campus amongst all the other, the adolescents that are in care and the staff and everything else watch people eat together and you know the fellowship is a thing yeah whether you're a christian or not, it's fellowship is a thing, and so you know, I I think that being able to observe fellowship take place and get a real feel for what's happening as people sit and eat and serve one another and clean up and everything else that gives you, that gives you a really good sense of what's going on and you've got a really great milieu culture. At least my experience that was that. And so I'm sure that that's intentional. Talk about building that in your program, like talk about how you cultivate that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a great question and thank you for saying that it is intentional. And I think that our therapists would probably tell you that some of the insight that they get outside of their offices eating lunch with the guys, playing basketball, fishing with them, seeing them around, people that they don't necessarily get along with that can be as informative or even more valuable than sometimes what they get in their one-on-one sessions with the guys, because it is more true to life and they're able to see what those stressors are and what they respond well to, what they don't respond well to, and they're able to incorporate that. And our team is also one of the things our direct care team members in any healthcare organization I'd say are one of those that you see the highest turnover in. And we moved towards a DBT platform several years ago in which our direct care team is also getting ongoing DBT training and they do a DBT consult group once a week and that DBT consult group allows them to get to know one know one another in a just, in a more real way. You know they're bringing their own personal frustrations to that group. They're saying you know I'm struggling right now this week because I'm taking care of my parent who is sick and I'm having a hard time, and then the other people in the group who might have just been seeing that person as the guy from night shift are now seeing him as a person and they want to support him in a different way. And then he receives that support and he wants to support the people on his shift a different way.
Speaker 2:And and then also what comes from those groups is, too, they understand they have a different language that they can communicate with one another using, and then they can also they know how to support our, our guys, our students in a very different way and they're kind of case studying that.
Speaker 2:Oh, you know, jack, I tried to teach him this skill this week and he got really dysregulated, even more dysregulated it was a disaster. And then someone else is able to say, oh, I've seen that Jack responds really well to this, or the guys are able to understand that skill that you're trying to teach a little bit better if you teach it like this, and so they're equipped. It's created this really cool culture of support and empowerment that we didn't have before and it's been really neat to watch. To be transparent, we launched that DBT platform for our adolescents to help them, but it had this beautiful byproduct of strengthening our team and creating camaraderie in our team. That has been special and I think that's what creates the kind of culture that you see when you're on campus and are interacting with people in that milieu.
Speaker 1:I think it's still somewhere behind me, but I still have my welcome box.
Speaker 2:Oh you do.
Speaker 1:I love that it's got Todd Weatherly written on it. I've still got my welcome box.
Speaker 2:It's planted somewhere here in the office, so um you've got the same welcome box that every family gets right, right, a welcome box and a letter and all those kinds of things.
Speaker 1:It's just um part of what makes it feel homey and and helps people who might feel like pretty nervous honestly walking. I mean, you can, I know that you're familiar with it and I'm familiar with it. I've never had to experience it myself but an adolescent in a family walking up and they're about to drop off their adolescent, their adolescent, their family member's nervous, and they're nervous.
Speaker 1:the less of their family members nervous, and they're nervous. And you walk into a what is basically a dining room and you have this nice box of goodies and a little letter and people who care sitting around you just to kind of like you know what it's going to be, okay, Um, this is not a place you shouldn't. There's no need for you to feel threatened here.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, the day my brother went to treatment is still the worst day of my life.
Speaker 2:And we, you know I'm thankful now that I haven't had a day that has eclipsed that, but we can't make that day not a really hard day for parents and families. But we can be thoughtful about what they're experiencing and think of ways to make it a little less bad, a little more reassuring, a little less anxiety inducing, and we've tried to create some thoughtful moments for the families to feel taken care of, so that they can, yeah, just feel a little bit better about the decision and sleep a little easier at night.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. Um, I also, uh, making the decision, finding a place that's of quality and being able to evaluate that. You know it's, it's kind of where we come in. Not all families find that, but, um, that you know that's kind of where we come in. Not all families find that, but when you got families finding you, what's the message that you give them? You know, let's say, they haven't had a consultant and they've discovered your program and they think they might be where they want to come. I know that happens fairly often and you're front and center with that experience. What is the message that you give to families to help them kind of feel like this is the way to go, not just for your program but to but to choose treatment in general. What's your message to them?
Speaker 2:I think that it's so important for families to make this decision because it changes the live into their full potential to get reconnected with their talents and gifts and purpose. And, whether it's substance use or mental health, these young men when we see them and I say young men because our residential program is male only, but this is something that applies to teenagers across the board we're just seeing that their confidence has just been chipped away at and, in addition to all of the things that they are going to be equipped with in terms of the substance use or mental health, it's this opportunity to rebuild their self-confidence in a way that can change their trajectory. When you make the decision to choose treatment for your adolescent, you're doing it at a time when they're young and they're still so responsive to treatment and the things that they can learn in treatment. It can really change the path, I think, in a way that waiting might limit how much it really has an impact.
Speaker 1:Well, like you say, you were talking about this, there's this window. There are different kinds of windows of opportunity One is a window of willingness that one can exist. But there's also like, how far down this road are you going to let your adolescent go your son in this case, son or daughter go before they encounter something that's really dangerous, or they cross some line that's very hard to come back from? They turn something which is a a very treatable, you know mental health condition into something that is a very resistant mental health condition yeah and that line exists and it can be crossed.
Speaker 2:So well it's so hard too for parents today because marijuana is being legalized in so many states and I think sometimes when something is legalized we just start to assume that it's safe and that it's okay.
Speaker 2:And what parents don't realize is that marijuana and especially the concentration of today's marijuana on an adolescent brain, has a totally different impact than it does on a fully developed adult brain, has a totally different impact than it does on a fully developed adult brain. And 93% of the guys that come to Stonewater, marijuana is the problematic substance. And that surprises parents because I think our society right now has made them feel comfortable with some degree of marijuana use. And a lot of the adolescents that come to us they're telling us and they're telling their parents that marijuana helps with their anxiety, it helps with their ADHD, it helps them sleep, and parents don't know what to believe because there is a lot of information out there about the benefits of marijuana. But I would just say that it's important for parents to remember that any data out there on those benefits is all on adults. You know this isn't the impact that marijuana has on your teenager and in fact it's exacerbating anxiety.
Speaker 1:It's exacerbating ADHD symptoms Because they're not coming up with strategies for dealing with anxiety. That's right. They're medicating it. The thing about medicating something is you can't selectively numb.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:You don't just numb the anxiety, you numb everything else across the board which will impact an adolescent brain, because they never get to develop those centers that are responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control and decision making and executive functioning. All that stuff kind of gets put on pause because you've got an adolescent. That is probably if they're experiencing high levels of anxiety and they're using marijuana to medicate, they're probably consuming high levels of marijuana and that's going to have a pretty tremendous impact on somebody's development. It just will. And it doesn't happen to all kids, but it happens to a lot of them these days. But you know, the thing is alcohol is legal too, and we know for certain. We know what that looks like. And we know for certain. We know what that looks like. You know, when somebody starts adult or adolescent either way starts drinking more than they should, and the party never ends. We've seen that too.
Speaker 1:But um, at any rate the uh, I think that you're doing a great job of helping parents reach the, reach a decision, accept that's a problem and then be willing to do something about it. That's kind of that's one of the biggest hurdles that they get over. And then you know, on the other side of this. You know just something that has been more true for treatment programs and I'm glad to see a lot more of it, which is just really solid family programming. Like it isn't just you made this decision and then we'll do some things and your kid's fixed and they come back, like we were saying, the family system, but you're doing this connection with families even after treatment to give them a resource so that they can talk about things, talk about the journey, talk about what's been happening with their kid.
Speaker 1:You know, parents just having a place that they can process some of this material with others who understand or other parents who've gone through it, it means the world to families, that's the terrifying part.
Speaker 2:I remember that you know it was like it was so scary to get my brother to treatment and to make those decisions to put him in treatment.
Speaker 2:But then Now what? It's a year and a half where you feel like, okay, well, he's safe and there's people taking care of him and he's in a supportive environment. And then there's this whole other fear that comes when it gets to be the time when he's about to leave and come home. And it is so scary because you know you can't be around him 24-7, protecting every decision that they make. And you have to be so sure that, as a family choosing a program, you're asking a lot of questions about what you're going to get in terms of the family, so that when they leave whether it's, you know, in 90 days or a year you are equipped also to help navigate that.
Speaker 2:I remember one of the biggest sort of altercations my brother and my dad got into was when he had, you know, after he'd been in treatment for a year and a half and we all think everything's fixed. But the reality is that when he came home, he was still a 17 year old boy. He was still an adolescent and he still had adolescent emotions and he had adolescent responses and he learned a ton and I think he was, because of his experiences, more mature than a lot of adolescents his age at that point, but he was still a teenage boy and tools that you need to respond differently to communicate differently. Then it's going to be really scary and it's going to be hard to to support your child in the way that they need to or your sibling in the way that they need to be supported.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I, this came out of my mouth one time when I was talking to my son and we were talking about something.
Speaker 1:um, that was like you know, I'm not saying you don't know anything, I am saying that you don't know what it means and it's like it's like you know a bunch and that you know, but you haven't spent you know decades or a lifetime worth of watching that translate out to results or consequences, or you know how it impacts your finances and what it costs and all these other things. Like it's not that you don't know what's going on, but you don't know what it means, and that's what I'm here for. Like, I think that that I mean that applies to families too when they get engaged in this process. You know that it needs to be done. You just don't know what exactly what it means. Yet you know, and it's hard to see out the other end and feel some comfort. I'm just glad that folks have someone like you. I'm glad that we have a resource like yours out there in the world, and thank you so much for being with us on the show today.
Speaker 2:Well, ditto, like I said, my family, we wouldn't be here if it weren't for people like you, who we could listen to and we had no idea what to do, and guided every step along the way, and I'm just so thankful that you know it is. It does take a village, and every role in the village is really important, and we're so thankful that we have people that are willing to work with families on the front end to guide them to the right resources.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well. This has been great. I'm sure that we'll need to do some follow-up shows and talk about some more, but until then this has been Mental Health Matters and WPBM 1037, the Voice of Asheville. I'm Todd Weatherly, your host, here with Elizabeth Bikes. Elizabeth, great to see you.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you, thank you.